The special relationship with their surrogate has made building their family that much more special for this gay couple

by California Fertility PartnersJanuary 5th, 2021

Jason and Danny feel forever indebted to Victoria, who says she’s like an “aunt” to the couple’s beautiful son

When Jason and Danny decided to continue their pursuit of having children through surrogacy two years ago, they were “a nervous wreck.”

They had been down the surrogacy road already, though none of their attempts had resulted in success. When they married in 2017 they knew they wanted to have a family, but the first year trying was full of “ups and downs,” they said.

Being “further along” in life -- both men are in their 40s -- they knew that if they wanted to continue to pursue their dream of having a family, it was going to be now. With a supportive team including West Coast Surrogacy and Dr. Guy Ringler, they moved ahead.

With the previous failed attempts, it was important to them to feel as comfortable as possible with the process going forward and to have a relationship with their surrogate during the pregnancy and be comfortable with her.

They also knew from the beginning of the process that they wanted a relationship with their surrogate even after the birth, “to recognize and acknowledge the important role that she played in our family’s life.”

Finding their surrogate, Victoria, was a blessing for their journey.

When they met Victoria and her wife, Daniella, for dinner, they all connected beautifully. They knew they wanted to have Victoria be their surrogate, and she knew immediately this was a couple she wanted to help.

“I knew that I really wanted to try for them and really hoped to help them since they had already gone through so much,” Victoria said.

The positive personal connections made it that much easier to agree to regular communication throughout the pregnancy, and even a relationship throughout the child’s life.

Once Victoria was pregnant, they all communicated at least once a week, as well as on special occasions. It was mostly texting at first, and the frequency increased as the pregnancy progressed, graduating to phone calls as more and more details of the birth needed to be coordinated.

The couple wanted to feel they were a part of the pregnancy, and Victoria wanted them there along the way.

“We would also meet casually for lunch every couple of months,” the couple said. It obviously underscored the benefit of living near one another. “Victoria’s mother joined us for lunch one time, and it was great to meet her family and learn a bit more about our surrogate. Victoria and Daniella came to the baby shower, and we are happy that she had the opportunity to learn more about our larger family.”

Jason and Danny also joined Victoria for all but one ultrasound appointments -- again, the luxury of proximity.

“This was something I really appreciated,” Victoria said, “because they were so involved.”

It was early in the morning -- 4:30 AM -- that Jason and Danny got “the call” from Victoria. Actually, they got two calls. They slept through the call to Danny’s phone, but the second call to Jason’s phone did the trick. They hopped in the car and were there -- holding one of Victoria’s hands as Daniella held the other -- for the birth of their baby boy, Beau. Amy from West Coast Surrogacy, who had introduced them all, was also there for the beautiful moment.

Since the birth, everyone has continued to stay in touch with most of the updates now going in reverse: The two dads including Victoria now in their process of raising their son.

“I would describe this relationship with the baby as me being an aunt to him, almost like an extended family member,” Victoria said. “We are all connected in a beautiful way, but he has his parents to love and nurture him. I will always care for him and hope only for the best for their family.”

As Danny and Jason now embark on having a second child, they couldn’t be more grateful to Victoria for her beautiful contribution to their family.

“Victoria is a very special person who, through her altruism and kind-heartedness, made it possible for two gay men to have a family,” they said. “We are all mindful to respect each others’ space and time, yet we recognize that we each played a special and large role in each others’ lives.”

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